Tour de Bintan Training

or lack thereof....

I kind of feel like that Katie Perry song.... "hot and cold", "in and your out", "up and your down"... pretty much how I feel with my training.  Just can't seem to pull it together. 

After week 1 of training, it was week 1 because I paid for the race:  155UDS!  Training was OKAY.... definitely on my way. 

I have raced for 4 years now.  I know my body, I know my condition, I know what to do and with WHAT I do, I know how I will feel.  Only the race itself can determine my placing.  If I come unprepared, I will suffer.

Then comes Week #2, off to a good start.  Interval training, riding w/ the boys, etc.  But...  I am the PTA President.  That Saturday, we had Family Day.  Last year, we had about 250 people.  Tuesday, after picking up the RSVP's in the office, I realized we would have over 700.  We had to rethink... EVERYTHING!

The PTA Board worked nonstop for the next three days.  This left absolutely no time for riding, working, etc.  Even taking care of my family was put at a halt.  Saturday WAS Family Day, and by Sunday.... I was trashed! 

During that week, I realized that the duration of training time up to the race would be the same:  off and on...

But, with my thyroid still off, I believe my iron levels a bit off, recovering from simple rides wasn't going well.  For a simple 50km ride, it felt like a HARD 100km.  The throbbing of my legs, etc.  How would I ever finish 155km ride, let alone race it.  Not to mention I was on my ??? week of my period.  With less then 10 days 'off' of it since June, I was emotionally just exhausted.  I didn't feel up to par.

So, Tuesday, I went to bed and cried... I told Gjermund I had to let the race go.  I simply can't do it.  I can't train for it and I am not going to Bintan unprepared.  I couldn't find a roommate, so my accomodations cost would be high, not to mention I still have to fly there.  All is perfectly acceptable if I knew I could race to the best of my abilities...  but I didn't see that happening.

I cried and cried... he knew how hard it was for me to say, "no" to the race.  I talked about Bintan for nearly 10 months.  Ever since coming back from Cambodia and learning about the trial race, I desperately wanted to go!!!  After riding w/ Siw and Christina in Thailand and being part of a 14 woman team....  wow...  I don't know 14 women who ride bicycles in Vietnam...

And so that's how it goes....

I emailed the ladies tonight.  Because most don't know me they probably don't have much of an emotion about it.

To not go and race my guts out....  the thing is, given the right circumstances, I could have been good....maybe.... or at least I would die trying.