Sometimes you don't really realize your fears are so obvious until they are pointed out. You think you can fake it, or it isn't that bad... but people see it.
I am not sure which crash put more and more fear of the road into me. The last crash was really damaging... I was minding my own business, doing everything right and out of the blue, hit. My sore back is a daily reminder.
Two times were in pelotons or pacelines.... minding my own business and I get cut off by a sudden movement.... I have a permanent dent in my right hip from one and still haven't replaced my front brake lever from the other.
The other two crashes I was hit by a scooter. One in Taiwan, the idiot just stopped.... froze as I came down the hill. Had he kept his own pace, it would have been fine. The other, nicked in the back on 'scarey intersection' in Vietnam.
Crashing really hurts. I haven't broken any bones and imagine if I do, I may never return to the bike.
So, on yesterday's charity ride.... I know I have an opportunity to improve my group skills... I ride in the front of the pack for quite a distance.. to the first stop. The roads are really smooth and nice. Traffic is really light. We turn and pick up another team. I do okay... the road gets a little bumpy, lots of contruction we have to go around. I don't put myself in the front, I suppose I am in the middle of the group which is really a spread out group of riders.
the last bit, I am definitely in the back. The cause of a break in the group. We are three. The road is crappy, very bad. I am very jumpy that motorcycles will hit me...
when we collect at the District 7 coffee shop, and take off... I manage to get way behind in the traffic. The traffic I ride in each and every day, I know this... I feel I have really embarassed myself in front of my husband (who rode with us out to the end of Nguyen Van Linh) and the HNTA team who honored me that morning with Flowers...
I regained my position in the peloton and to the front on known territory. I couldn't make it to the top as Gjermund was pulling the group. But, finally redeamed.
The final 30km to Tan An, I was quite nervous in the traffic... I managed another break.
Anyhow, this morning when Long called to give me an update on Day 2, two very sad things came to me:
1. why didn't I continue... the theme seems to be disabled Children. The kids were in a really poor conditions.... it would have been good to be there.
2. He pointed out my fears.
Reality..... my cycing needs improvement.... or come May 1, I might as well just stay in the van and pass out water.
I feel like such a loser.
I am not sure which crash put more and more fear of the road into me. The last crash was really damaging... I was minding my own business, doing everything right and out of the blue, hit. My sore back is a daily reminder.
Two times were in pelotons or pacelines.... minding my own business and I get cut off by a sudden movement.... I have a permanent dent in my right hip from one and still haven't replaced my front brake lever from the other.
The other two crashes I was hit by a scooter. One in Taiwan, the idiot just stopped.... froze as I came down the hill. Had he kept his own pace, it would have been fine. The other, nicked in the back on 'scarey intersection' in Vietnam.
Crashing really hurts. I haven't broken any bones and imagine if I do, I may never return to the bike.
So, on yesterday's charity ride.... I know I have an opportunity to improve my group skills... I ride in the front of the pack for quite a distance.. to the first stop. The roads are really smooth and nice. Traffic is really light. We turn and pick up another team. I do okay... the road gets a little bumpy, lots of contruction we have to go around. I don't put myself in the front, I suppose I am in the middle of the group which is really a spread out group of riders.
the last bit, I am definitely in the back. The cause of a break in the group. We are three. The road is crappy, very bad. I am very jumpy that motorcycles will hit me...
when we collect at the District 7 coffee shop, and take off... I manage to get way behind in the traffic. The traffic I ride in each and every day, I know this... I feel I have really embarassed myself in front of my husband (who rode with us out to the end of Nguyen Van Linh) and the HNTA team who honored me that morning with Flowers...
I regained my position in the peloton and to the front on known territory. I couldn't make it to the top as Gjermund was pulling the group. But, finally redeamed.
The final 30km to Tan An, I was quite nervous in the traffic... I managed another break.
Anyhow, this morning when Long called to give me an update on Day 2, two very sad things came to me:
1. why didn't I continue... the theme seems to be disabled Children. The kids were in a really poor conditions.... it would have been good to be there.
2. He pointed out my fears.
Reality..... my cycing needs improvement.... or come May 1, I might as well just stay in the van and pass out water.
I feel like such a loser.
2 comments:
have not visited your blog since the Tour and really gutted to find out that you have been unhappy. honestly your ride on stage one has been careful and safe as i was all the time behind you and did exactly the same!
i guess it would be absolutely difficult to ride with a new group on a route that you don't know at all, beside not all Vietnamese riders would ride through and over all road obstructions (they are very protective of their bikes) to protect the safety for their team mates like you did on the day. therefore following the peloton proved to be harder (when you experienced any sudden move to avoid obstruction in front of you) as a safe breaking distance has to be allowed for and every time we try to catch up we would burn more energy than others...but i would do exactly the same! that was not a race and the team's safety motocycles were limited so it was not worth any risk.
I was to advise you before our departure of stage 1 "please ride careful and don't take any unnecessary risk" but i did not want to undermine your confidence and you were doing fine so i kept that comment to myself. please don't despair and give your ride some credits as we have already done over 100km when we arrived at the PMH bridge and you still climbed over it like a KOM (everyone in our team thought so). Bet all your money on next year's Tour shall be pure climbing!
The last 30km was hot and dry...the heat from the tarmac was unbelievable but the outcome was a success beside the fact that we have emerged from the chaos of Vietnam traffic safe, sound and mission accomplished.
But one of us was not so lucky and had to drop out after the club house (he was destined to complete all stages as he had done in the past 3 Tours) He had suffered 4 punctures on that day and rheumatism haunted his knees! He rode through Nhon-Trach with pain, frustration and fatique before return home from Q7 club house.
The ladies team in VT still talks about your strength and endurance as they could only hope to have 1/10th of your ability and yes they would rule VT. We hope to see you before your race for a few long distance training rides, hopefully I would have finished posting the report & pictures by then. Take care
Sorry, I am just very, VERY hard on myself. Even after winning races, I still find something to improve on. My husband noticed my 'weakness' so I felt humiliated. I always want to impress him! Oh, that's why I rode up the bridge so fast, he was at the top! I always like to beat him.... but he had very fresh legs, we did not, but I still had my best climbing time up the bridge, ever... (24kph average).
I am not sure I will ever get used to riding in VN traffic with things coming out at you in all directions. My reaction times are a bit slower so I always hold back to see what everyone else does. But, I have since worked on my peloton skills and they have improved... tremendously! THANK GOD! Big race coming in 3 weeks.
The one thing I hope you did pick up from the blog is that the HTNA was by far the most important thing I have EVER done on a bike, and you all humble me tremondously! I am so excited to join next year... to actually be in the field improving the lives of the beautiful Vietnamese people is more heart warming and important then any riding skill, race result, bike, etc!
On the ride from NVL to Tan An, my husband gave me final words of to be EXTREMELY CAREFUL... and I did... he NEVER tells me what to do, so when he does... I do exactly what he says as it must be really important to him.
Since then, I have been so busy with work... so I should update my bog more....
Again... the tour was by far the most amazing thing I have ever participated in on a bike!
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